Episode 268: Overcoming Bad Viewing Hygiene with The Ringer’s Alison Herman

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By Brendan O’Meara

Alison Herman (@aherman2006) is a staff writer for The Ringer, who writes about all kinds of TV and movies and the like.

What prompted this conversation was her piece about David Gelb, the filmmaker behind Jiro Dreams of Sushi and Chef’s Table.

In this episode we talk about:

You can find links to all of Alison’s work at The Ringer.com.

Keep the conversation going on Twitter @CNFPod and consider becoming a member of the growing Patreon community at patreon.com/cnfpod. There, you’ll get access to the audio magazine* and other goodies depending on your tier. Go check it out. If you want to have an ad-free experience, this is how we level the show up and get us there. It’ll allow me to pay more writers, get better gear, and keep making a better product for you. That’s what it’s about. Seriously.

You’ll find that I pasted in this week’s parting shot if you feel like reading it, or if you’re one of those people who don’t listen to the entire podcast.

Stay wild, CNFers, and if you can’t do, interview!

Parting shot

OK, so I don’t know if any of you use the headspace app for meditation. I do, and I love the Wake Up, which is this little video about something intentional or mindful. At times they put out a call for questions, Kessonga is one of the teachers and I sent in a question and they selected it a few days ago. I must be decent at this question askin’ game, anyway.

My question was about this nagging feeling that mediation wasn’t “working,” despite having done it for a while. I asked what to do in the face of it feeling like it isn’t working.

He went on this long, beautiful answer to it, I wish I recorded it to listen to it over and over again, but the crux of it was to divorce any notion of expectation from the practice of meditating, just be open to anything, no pressure, no expectation, given that we’re in such a culture favors the end result at the cost of the journey. Even if you lose 20 pounds, then what? You’re still the same dude. 

So I got to thinking about goals and expectations, or setting realistic goals and moonshot goals, and leaning into the practice vs outcomes, often outcomes we have no control over anyway.

For example, I’ve spoken about how aiming for the stars and landing on the moon leads to disappointment, because you really wanted the stars, even if the stars were only there to stretch you enough to land on the moon. The problem being if the moon turns out to be a bummer because you were expecting to hit the stars. In our cross country sojourn, I equated the stars/moon thing to my baseball career, as everything always comes back to my sad, sorry baseball career. My wife was like, your goal all along should have been to simply enjoy baseball. You can have reachable goals, but I should have been grounded in the fact that I get to play this game and play it quite well, better than most, but certainly not pro calibre. The problem was I was woefully misguided and it’s unfair to 18-19 YO me to be angry for not knowing any better. 

So what’s the point of this little rant and what does this have to do with writing, or podcasting, or creative pursuits? 

It’s foolhardy to have the expectation of publication, or publication at a major publisher, or that you’ll sell 20,000 copies of your book. So what’s a good goal? A good goal may be to simply write a damn good book. Yeah, but good by whose standards? Just yours.  Then let the cards fall where they may. No expectations, not even that bullshit expression expect the worst hope for the best. What horrible, horrible advice. Here’s something better: Set realistic goals that stretch you just enough. I want to deadlift 500 pounds, but it’s going to take me upwards of a year to train up to that. I’d love to dunk a basketball, but no amount of training is gonna get my 5-9-ass up the rim without Shaq picking me up. One is realistic based on my capabilities, one is not. So, maybe what I’m trying to say is audit your abilities, find your 500-pound deadlift, don’t put artificial limits on yourself, stretch yourself just enough, and set a mark to aim at and realize, all the while, that the reward is in the process and the practice. No expectations. 

*: Here’s an aside about the audio magazine. I set the first tier at $2 a month, and that grants you access only to the audio magazine. The understanding is that you’ll stick around for at least a year to “pay” for this magazine. THAT much labor goes into it. One person paid for a single month, then quit the moment the magazine came out. Technically this is legal, but it really undercuts the cost of putting this podcast and the audio magazine together. Something to bear in mind.