Many a writer does not want to pay for an educated and objective opinion of their work. It’s expensive (thousands of dollars to developmentally edit a quality book that’s not guaranteed to be published). So what happens? You often ask your partner to read your shit.
This is my plea: Don’t bring your partner into your shit. It’s unfair to them.
It puts them in the uncomfortable position of letting you down. Feedback on the work is damn near impossible not to take personally … no matter how many times we recite the mantra They’re not criticizing me, they’re criticizing the work.
Your partner might feel pressured to say nice things for fear of upsetting you, or to simply not hurt your feelings. The relationship suffers; the work suffers.
If you’re an immature, petulant writer, if your partner is generous enough to let you know your WIP is garbage, you will sit on this criticism and pull it out during any innumerable fights you’re having that month, say, over not putting your shoes where they belong, or not holding up your end of the chores, etc.
I understand the urge to ask a partner. They’re right there, after all. They’re affordable … but at what cost? But they have a demanding job, maybe one with a lot of reading, and now you’re asking them to read your shitty book or essay knowing they can’t really be honest, when all they want to do is go to bed or take a bath.
That said, if you eschew this advice and ask them anyway (because you will), set up some guidelines.
Ask for very specific feedback (this goes for anybody, not just spouses). There’s nothing more I hate than Does this work? What the does that even mean? Try instead, Does this prologue make you want to keep going? What feels out of place? When do you want to tune out?
For my latest book, three days before my deadline, I wanted feedback on 1,000 words from my prologue. Out of a manuscript that was 167,000 words, I cut it down to 119,000 (with the help of a paid editor. If you don’t hire me, hire him.) I was very specific on the feedback I needed. She’s very good and, if our health insurance didn’t hinge on her job, she’d make a terrific editor.
Lastly, be a pro. It hurts to hear dispassionate comments, but that’s the muscle soreness that comes on the path to getting stronger. Your partner is literally saving you hundreds if not thousands of dollars by reading your shit. Whatever their love language is, reward them and always say thank you.
