I understand how tiresome it is when someone talks, talks, talks about social media use, the struggle of it, the do-we-really-need-it questions.
Over the years, you know my tendency is to rage against the algorithm. It’s my passion. I’ve deleted apps from my phone. Put them back on. Deleted certain accounts. You know the cycle; it’s the cycle of an addict.
A few weeks ago, I experienced a revelation regarding social media: It drains me. It makes me sluggish. I saps my motivation. It was a physical reaction.
Int: CNF Pod Studio
It was about 6:30 in the morning. I was at my desk about to crack open my journal for a couple pages of my usual bitching and moaning. I had my coffee. I was feeling good. I was ready to get into my edits and rewrites for the book I’m writing (should I *riff* more on that? I don’t know. Or, should I shut up and show you the baby?).
But first, check Instagram. I was only on it for about 1-2 minutes, but I saw the usual performative stuff that irritates me to no end from people desperate for attention. When people do the thing where they silently shimmy then point to a blank corner of the square and — Shazam! — text. I have no words to how much I hate this. Oh, and someone posted a video of them writing at their desk? Fuck. Me. Oh, boy, you must really be getting after it.
Then there’s shameless promotion that we’re all tasked with doing that serves nobody. How many books have you purchased because someone posted something to Instagram? My guess is very few. For me, it’s none.
What I noticed beyond my usual annoyance was how sluggish I felt. Unmotivated where I was once ready to go. I felt sad and heavy. I wanted to go back to bed. I almost did go back to bed! My battery went from it’s usual 73% full capacity (I need a new phone, haha) to a red-lining 5% in 120 seconds.
I immediately — and I mean that literally — deleted Instagram from my phone. No more. I will access it through the desktop to post audiograms for the podcast. Sure, I sacrifice some functionality that you only get with mobile, but it’s a tradeoff I’m happy to do.
I told my my marital partner what I did and she, too, came to a different kind of revelation as to why she felt equally drained. Rooted in capitalism is this feeling of never being enough, never having enough. You know the drill. You support this cause, but you’re not supporting enough causes. You think you’re eating well, but you could be eating better. You’re exercising just fine … but you could be exercising better. You should be saving more money … but, wait, no, you should be enjoying your one, crazy, life so spend, spend, spend! But, hold on, that latte will keep you from retiring with a full nest egg.
The old saying that you can’t move if you’re walking east and west at the same time very much applied, only you’re getting pulled in every cardinal direction in the span on 15 seconds and your neurons can only take so much. You’re left feeling paralyzed, sad, and powerless.
And on and on and on …
It’s so … exhausting.
Off the phone, enough already.
***
It isn’t all cheese and crackers, though.
This is my typical muscle memory whenever I pick my phone up.
- Instagram (since deleted)
- Threads (since deleted)
- Google feed
Pinwheel of death on my computer? Pick up the phone and check, check, check, check.
The pull is still there, even after a few weeks. When you sever the limb, you still feel it. When you’re bored and you just want some mindless activity, what better excuse than to scroll? When it’s not there, oh, boy, it ain’t pretty.
You have to find something else to do or just be bored. You might have to — gasp — sit with your thoughts.
Whoever chooses to read this blog far is likely a writer and an avid reader. I don’t know about you, but there’s only SO MUCH reading you can do. Especially when you’re a writer because you can never NOT read as a writer, which is an exhausting way to read. I can never remove those glasses. There’s no more reading as a reader. I imagine it’s that way for filmmakers. They’re always watching films as a director, simultaneously interrogating creative choices while consuming at the same time.
After about three weeks, the urge to check social media went away. I’ve found other modes of occupation. I’ve been drawing single-panel comics. This one’s fitting:
But then the urge to post it! Because if you don’t post it, did it happen?! I need 1-2 likes to validate my worth!
What about this blog post? Who will see it if I don’t post to social? Well, OK, I’ll post the link, but I don’t have to hang there. The hope, then, is that people will bookmark your website like a newsstand. Time to swing by and pick up a new magazine.
I plan on reading How to Break Up with Your Phone by Catherine Price, and her follow up, The Power of Fun, which was an outcropping of the free time she secured for herself after setting better boundaries around her phone. (I’ll report back on these.) So if you don’t have something to fill that void, you will — I guaran-fucking-tee — be back to scrolling on social. And maybe you’re cool with it. If so, more power to you.
But I finally (finally, FINALLY) said, “Enough. This doesn’t serve ME.” I’ll put my efforts into my podcast and newsletter, by and large nourishing permission-based experiences divorced from the tendrils of Big Social.
My time is better spent making good words people want to read, celebrating good work I see with the means afforded to me, and if other people want to post about it and talk about it …
Please and thank you.
